Perspectives

This is set in the United States:

In the 80s, the technology to reach people wasn’t so advanced. But the desire to get people to buy stuff they don’t need wasn’t any less. Someone invented direct mail marketing. Which is, to send posts about stuff on sale to people who never evinced any interest in buying it. Initially, the response was astounding. So, everyone did it until it started piling up. Today, the US direct mail marketing’s ROI is touted to be at 1.9%. But, marketers won’t give up (Actually, they are). They have a budget and it needs to be spent.

Back to India, 2010:

SMS! Never before in the history of this country was it possible to have a two way (remote) conversation with half of it’s citizens. No other medium of technological communication is so Simple & as wide spread. I don’t know what folks waiting for the 3G roll out & for the supposed ubiquity of smart phones think, but to me, this is already magical. Solutions on SMS show up in my mind every time I think about real world(India) problems. The applications are not just myriad but will actually work. SMS is indeed the lowest common technology denominator for India. But Alas, it is being poached just like those Tigers.

You probably already know about Bulk SMS. Forget it for a moment to become the “Average Ajay“. If you were to get an SMS from a number & you tried calling it, wouldn’t you be petrified to know that “This number does not exist”!? Try calling the Google SMS Channel number (+91-9870807070) or say, “TDSnapdeal” (that would be a 5 digit short code. You can never call anyone there). Weird, “Average Ajay” would think. Twice. Thrice. He will not bother. He has learned to ignore.

It seems TRAI was set up to protect consumer’s interest. They must be behind the brilliance of “TDLOR“, A message from “LOR” via Tata Teleservices, Delhi. Excellent & Thank you. Now I don’t want it. What do I do? Can I call someone & Shout?

Even as I write this, I have 22 unread messages & I don’t plan to read them. Bulk SMS marketers…You will have to take the credit. You will continue to look at SMS as a way to broadcast. To you, along with (and cheaper than) Radio, News paper & TV, SMS is a channel to create pain in people without having to shoulder the responsibility, thanks to TDLOR.

Very soon, you will take the ROI of this industry to 1.9% too (If it already isin’t). You are probably paying 2 Paise per SMS now. It will get cheaper, maybe 2 Paise for 100 SMSes. But, You will soon run out of people.

“SMS”, the species, is dying. Thanks to you & All the best.

Two hours have passed since the credits of Endhiran (Robot) rolled up in a Cinema hall at Bangalore. I was there, dragging my feet along towards the exit, saddened that it is over. There will be a second time, but, it wont be the same. Hormones don’t function that way. I sit here and wish for another Rajni movie in a few years or for someone to rise out of the ashes to hold me captivated like Rajni. The latter…will remain a wish.

But, this is not about Endhiran or Rajni. This is an appeal to Journos, Commentators & Authors who are suddenly forced to write about an industry, a person & a movie they hardly know about. Asia’s costliest movie, Asia’s second most paid actor, 2000 screens worldwide: Everybody from Rajeev Masand to a Dog has to write with every drop of ink in their pen (Or, key in their keyboard). I have been keenly reading most of the content and, as an ardent fan of Thalaivar, have been able to notice the uber-cool, intelectual point of view that most critiques are taking. A common weaving thread of sarcasm hinting “How is this guy able to do this?“, is evident. One thing becomes clear. None of these guys know a god damn thing. Neither factually nor emotionally.

My understanding of the Hindi language & culture is far superior than an average non-tamilian’s insight into the dravidian likes & dislikes. Very recently, I quipped to a north Indian friend who has lived close to five years here- less than 40 kms from the boundaries of Tamil Nadu- “Well, Tamil does not have a script“. She innocently went “Oh! really?“. I don’t blame her. The exposure is such.

To bring about my opinion, Here is what I feel about, lets say, Singh is Kinng:

I didnt understand the punjabi/Hindi mix-bag in the movie all that well. Long ago, I was told that Akshay kumar worked as a Bartender in Bangkok. I thought he was averagely attractive (My wife goes head-over-heels, by the way). As a kid, I grew up on Superhit muqabla, watching him jump up & down with Big brother-ess on “Churake dil mera” Frankly, it/they did not go very well with the curd rice I was eating.

I couldn’t stop staring at the mis-spelling-”kinng”. Further research informs me how Bollywood believes in Numerology. Lucky Singh? This dude got to become a don in Australia with that name? Did he just get Lucky? And there is one more called “Happy”. Folks kept laughing around me on stuff that I thought wasnt worth a giggle. Hindi audience have an extremely low humour quotient, I felt. I was eager to get out. Katrina Kaif couldnt keep me in there.

Point is, this is not the true review of this movie. I am welcome to have a point of view, but not qualified to write under the pretext of Journalism.

Dear Journos from Bollywood and elsewhere, you all probably know this better than me. A Movie review isint exempt from best practices of Journalism. There are three things you need: Facts, Context & an opinion formed based on the former two.

I am extremely delighted that Endhiran is forcing you all to travel & see beyond Borivali. Furthermore, I have a few suggestions to you: Throw your suburban train tickets & Vada pav away. Fold up your Dhoti, Drink up Filter Coffee, Listen to Carnatic Music & dance for hard percussion on the road. Because, 60% of our 1256 million Dollars in Movie Industry is made by non-hindi movies.

I find it exhilarating that the costliest movie in India has to come from an industry half the market size of bollywood & 1/5th the consumer base. How does it make you feel?

Do you know that from down here, Bollywood seems low-grade (loaded with flesh & item numbers), SRK, pretentious & Kapoors, Comical? Still don’t know what I am talking about? Go ask Rotten Tomatoes on for review on Dabangg and compare it with yours.

DOT.